Working with the Rigor Mortis

Hello folks, let’s chat~smile~ Remember my telling y’all about Mama and Aunt Marleta openly discussing how much longer Uncle Stan has before he claims his eternal reward? I mentioned that I was somewhat surprised at their matter-of-factness. I should’ve known better. Turns out, that was nothing.

Shortly after that phone chat, mama’s sister and brother-in-law came to check on her and the deadly conversation continued with Uncle Stan sitting in the same room. Granted, his hearing isn’t so good and he did have the TV up sky high, and his oxygen tank can be noisy, but still.

Just about the time I decided he couldn’t hear them he proved me wrong. Aunt Marleta was telling Mama how she’d recently sent Uncle Stan’s military uniform to the cleaners so it would be…ready, when her man spoke up. “That’s what you know, ‘Leta. That suit doesn’t even fit me anymore.” His beloved shrugged off that news, “Don’t worry about it, Stanley. They’ll slip your arms through the sleeves and slice the suit down the back. No one will be the wiser.” Uncle Stan took this in with a solemn expression and returned to his TV program.

That’s when Aunt Marleta told me how she was thinking about keeping his body around after he passed. I mentioned this was a felony but Aunt Marleta feels like it’ll be worth it to keep his check coming. She said there are things a person can shake on the body so it doesn’t smell. She was joking. I think.

Of course, Aunt Marleta isn’t just planning Uncle Stan’s big day. She’s working on the details of her own, too. She wants her face turned towards the viewers before rigor mortis set in because it is so much more attractive than staring up at the ceiling. Oh, and she’d prefer to have one hand resting on the side of the coffin. Yes, as if she could change her mind and climb out at any minute.

My family is either extremely well-adjusted when it comes to death and dying, or we are sick. Sometimes it’s a mighty fine line.

Hugs,
Shellie