Wedding Throwdowns and Debunking Southern Stereotypes

Hello folks, let’s chat… Once again I question why we southerners are always the ones stereotyped as crazy gun-toting rednecks fond of marrying our relatives. Everybody around here marries outside of their family. On purpose.

And, may the record show that I’ve never witnessed a brawl at any of our beautiful ceremonies. maybe a few looks that could kill, but an all out riot, no ma’am. I bring this up in light of a story coming out of New Jersey with the following headline. “300 Brawl at Wedding; 2 arrested.”

The article didn’t say if this was a self-contained family feud or an us against them brawl with the new in-laws but either way, the Christmas get-together is looking sketchy.

And speaking of sketchy, the whole story left me with more questions than answers. Like that quote from the off duty cops who were working as security for the big event, do tell. Is security a common line item on the wedding plan these days? Flowers? Check. Photographer? Check. Undercover officers in case of a throw down? Check.

For what it’s worth, Bubba says it wasn’t much of a fight if only two people were arrested out of 300. He’s thinking there was probably more pushing and posing than anything. “You want some of me?” “You talking to me?!!”

But, I digress.

I sincerely hope this PoPo wedding is an isolated incident and not a trend. However, because I’m here for y’all and all that, I’ve put together a helpful list. Here are the top three ways to tell if you’re about to witness a happily ever after type ceremony or a throw down.

Number 3.  You’re still wondering why brass knuckles were listed on the couple’s gift registry.

Number 2.  You notice the family sections are roped off with police tape instead of tulle.

And the number one way to tell if you’re headed to a thrown down:  You’re fingerprinted when you go to sign the guest book.

If you can check two of the three, speak now and do not hold your peace.

Hugs,
Shellie

Comments

  • V
    August 21, 2014

    Hey Shellie Girl~ Your natural humor & spot on storytelling have been a wonderful & encouraging blessing for this worn out 63 yr. old “Executive Family Coordinator?” (HA! Such a big name for a Homemaker, Wife, Mother & Grandmother!) We are a Family of 12 now. My Husband of 33 years is a US Army Vietnam Vet & has worked for almost 40 years for Georgia Power Co./Southern Co. Services. Our oldest Son & Daughter-in-Law live with their bevy of cats & dogs & work nearby. Our next oldest Son is an USAF SSGT & lives & works & is stationed on Keesler AFB, Biloxi, MS together with our Daughter-in-Law & 2 Granddaughters. Our newly married Daughter & her Husband live & work in the Atlanta area. Our youngest Son is a USMC Iraq War Veteran & he works & lives nearby with his girlfriend & our 3rd Granddaughter. On to my reason for writing…
    Our darling daughter got married this past April. Her “Guestbook” had similarities to your funny story this week. She found an idea on the world’s largest creative idea website, Pinterest. She & her Fiancée asked an artist friend to draw a rendering of a Tree with lots of empty branches on a large canvas. It turned out really pretty. At the Reception on a table next to this canvas displayed on an easel, were several colored ink stamp pads and pens. The guests were encouraged to put a finger on any stamp pad, place that “fingerprint” on an empty branch( i.e. becoming the leaves on the Tree) & then sign their names. (Imagine placing your fingerprint together with your name somewhere…on purpose!) We have a few immediate family members…ah well…never mind…sigh. As I was saying…I was seemingly a passenger on this runaway freight train, “AKA my daughter’s Wedding”, so I was not consulted. I voiced my concerns about the ink, her Gown, the Wedding Party & our Guests’ clothing. The response was, “Mom. The ink is waterproof and there will be wet wipes on the table so people can wipe off their hands.” Ah…of course. Silly me. I should have known that! I’d love to share with you some of the ongoing TMDD within our immediate Southern family, but I can’t do that here. Maybe someday, I’ll get the courage up to email you directly & consult you & the Rushing Gals for some wise “Southern Womanhood” input. I have a few women friends/family members that have saved my husband thousands of dollars by helping to keep me out of a Psych Office…I wish I was making that up! Yay for girlfriends! Some days I wake up wondering why the Lord thought that I could handle being “The Point Man” for this wild bunch. Only He knows…
    Blessings to you & those you love~
    ~V

  • August 18, 2014

    Love the list. I direct weddings, so I’m thinking of adding a Kevlar to my basic black dress that I wear to tell everyone where to go. I may also revise my “where to go” directions.

  • olivia
    August 17, 2014

    Sorry, but there is a reason we get the reputation for “crazy.” I dont’ dare use my real name here, because my family and my husband’s families fit every Southern Crazy gene. My husband’s family is filled with people with a last name of, oh, lets call’em Jackson, his grandmaw, her last name was Jackson, then married a third cousin with the same last name, Jackson, she run him off for drinking. She turns around and remarried, a man named Jackson. Then the family does this double first cousin thing. His mama and her sister married two brothers, so all the kids were double first cousins. My sons did the same thing, married sisters. My aunt divorced my uncle and married his first cousin. Another cousin got married and the ex-wife showed up and took it upon herself to slash tires in the parking lot.

    Please, I take pride in being from a part of the country that isn’t boring, can be shocking, but we keep the other parts of the country entertained. When my family get together for holidays it is just one big old mixed up extended family with no one knowing how any of us are related. Perhaps we really do have family reunions just to meet our future spouses. But we do all have our front teeth and most of us have clothes that aren’t camo.

  • Sarah
    August 16, 2014

    Too funny, love the top three ways… 🙂

  • Kermit Stephens
    August 16, 2014

    I’ve never been to one of those knock down drag out brawl weddings either, and for sure, the love of God is not attending those weddings either. <

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