There May Be More than One Kind of Government Leak

Hello folks, let’s chat…I’m going to share something with you for the Straight Running Crazy file, but you must promise me you’ll remain calm. Oh, who are kidding? Here goes. Despite that little sixteen trillion dollar national debt thing, our government spent $400,000 dollars over the last couple of years to fund underwear research. Granted, that sounds like a lot. But this isn’t just any underwear. This is super-duper underwear that can detect when the wearer is smoking cigarettes. Take a minute and let that sink in.

It’s supposed to help smokers kick the habit because the tattle tale underwear will keep nicotine addicts from being able to lie to their doctors and/or their loved ones. That gives a whole new meaning to the words nicotine stains. I pity the poor soul who is obligated to check for ‘em. Don’t look at me. I just report the news.

Quite naturally, my first response was to call my Southern Mama. Mama has always had a thing about clean underwear, and she was CSI smooth at catching my sisters and me smoking when we were in high school, so I thought I’d get her take on this. Once I convinced our expert that I wasn’t making it up she wanted to know what was supposed to keep the wearer from simply changing underwear?! Yeah, Mama’s smart like that. I think it comes from her years of practice with us girls.

And in related news—it’s happened again. For the second time in as many years, a man went to the doctor for a chronic runny nose and found out his brain was leaking. That’s plum scary. It’s also sort of interesting, knowing what we do. Listen, I’m not saying we have brain leakage in the hallowed halls of our government. But, really, would it hurt to require them to be screened for this condition in an annual physical? I mean, for their own good and all.

I agree. It could get complicated, especially the pre-existing condition part, but we have got to get the wheels back on somehow, y’all. Think about it.

Hugs, Shellie