Hello folks, let’s chat…Many of you have been writing to find out if A) me and mine are okay B) I’m still writing or C) I’ve fled the country. I’m happy to report that we are all good here and I’m still at it. I haven’t fled the country, I’ve just been traveling it speaking here there and somewhere else. Hence, your missing newsletters. As longtime readers know, I used to send this little missive out weekly. (Granted, that was a while back), and while I doubt we’ll ever get back to that, I’ll try to do better at staying in touch. And now, with that mea cupla out of the way, let’s get on with our regularly scheduled visit.
So, I’ve been busy documenting a new syndrome. I’m even thinking of developing an app for this one. I’m calling this the Offense Seeking Syndrome, or OSS for short. OSS is a condition that describes people who are always looking to be offended about something. And yes, I realize OSS sounds a lot like a synonym for donkey. I didn’t plan that, y’all. These things just happen.
The reality is that OSS, or Offense Seeking Syndrome is affecting more of us all the time. We’re talking epidemic proportions, which is where my app comes in. I, for one, am always an offense or two behind everybody else. I’m usually just learning about the latest thing that should offend me while the OSS people are being offended by something brand new. And goodness knows, how we’re supposed to keep track of what we should be boycotting is way beyond me. Enter my OSS. app.
The OSS. app will keep us up to date on what we’re supposed to be offended about at any given time and who or what we should be boycotting. When an offense expires, it will send a notification to our smart phones. Now, if our phones are synced with our smart watches or Fitbits, all the better. Why’s that? Well, I read where the next phase in our wearable technology are devices that monitor the wearer’s health. You see where I’m going? Whenever there’s a hip new offense designed to get your blood pressure up, your wearable will light up like the Fourth of July, and you can get to the doctor asap.
Or, you could ignore it, like my man says I do those cute little warning lights on my car. My bad, Phil. I’ll do better. But back to my prototype. My Offense Seeking Syndrome App is in the early stages of production. It has potential, but we may not be ready for prime time.
Right now, my OSS app is either telling me that I’ve covered 4,593 steps today or I’m missing a major offense alert. Then again, it could be saying my oil light is on in my car. Stand tuned.