Nanoo, Who?!

Hello folks, let’s chat…Paulette called me one morning. Unfortunately, she’d been reading the news again. The quiz began as soon as I said hello. Paulette’s phone calls always feel like you’re a contestant on a weird new game show and you have zero chance of winning.

“So,” Paulette said. “Do you have on clean underwear, you know, in case you get in an accident? Tell the truth, I promise not to tell your mama. And just how many days do you go without changing them, huh?”

“Pardon me?” I said. “Is that you, Paulette—and what in heaven’s name are you talking about now?”

“I’m just asking,” Paulette said. “It says right here scientists have invented self-cleaning underwear. They’re all excited ‘cuz you can wear ‘em for weeks without changing. They put something called ‘nanos’ on ‘em that repel bacteria—it says liquids just bead up and roll off.”

I told Paulette that was entirely too much information before breakfast. She ignored me. “I’m as busy as a cat in a roomful of rocking chairs, myself,” she said. “But really, how long does it take to slip on some new drawers?” I had to admit it didn’t take long at all. “Exactly,” Paulette said. Then she started laughing. “Hey— ‘ya reckon Brittany, I’m-Running-Low-On-Underwear-Spears knows about this? It might just save that poor child’s career.”

I, of course, didn’t have the foggiest. I attempted a course correction instead.

“Well, Paulette, look at it this way. It’ll be good news for toilet training mamas. Wouldn’t it have been great if they had this fabric when ours were that age?”

“I don’t know, Shellie,” Paulette said. “It might have worked with our daughters, but I haven’t forgotten how hard it was to train Carl Jr. Heck, if our boys would’ve had self-cleaning underwear, they’d still be in training pants.

Paulette… the girl ain’t right but then again, she’s seldom wrong.

Hugs, Shellie

P.S Hey folks, today’s little chat is an excerpt from Sue Ellen’s Girl Ain’t Fat, She Just Weighs Heavy! If you haven’t gotten you and ten thousand of your closest friends and relatives a copy and you feel so inclined to rectify that situation you may do so here!