Hello folks, let’s chat… I’ve got a Public Service Announcement from the breaking news category. This program can now confirm that the Get out of Jail Free cards that come with the Monopoly game are totally useless in real life. We know this because a man in Minnesota was recently being arrested on a felony warrant when he tried the old Monopoly card trick with the attending officers. To no avail. His offer was declined and bail was set at $5,000. Word has it they didn’t let him collect the $200 either, which would’ve helped raise that money. Bless his heart.
To their credit, the sheriff’s office gave the creative defendant an A for effort on their Facebook wall. Is our world getting stranger all the time, or what? That was rhetorical. But, should you need more convincing, there’s another story coming out of Florida right now that some people find a little shy of center.
Officials there are looking for a middle-aged man who has been seen on surveillance cameras tying his pantyhose to the antennas of parked vehicles. On one hand, I understand. It’s way too hot here in the deep South to be wearing pantyhose. If that’s his story, I’d stick to it, too. And I suppose he could have a good reason to be air-drying his unmentionables. Perhaps he doesn’t have a clothesline. This is a flimsy story at best. We need more details. That said, the Pantyhose Vandal is creeping out the area folks, so the authorities are hoping to find him with a little extra support from the community. (You saw what I did there, right?) Police say they simply want to bring him in questioning, and I’m quoting now. “The man’s behavior in and amongst itself could be many different things, but we would like to identify him before it escalates.”
Good point, Officer, sir. There’s no telling what he’ll tie up there next. I, for one, don’t want to see his thong. Actually, I don’t want to see anyone’s thong, but good luck catching him.
Finding the right pantyhose-wearing man on the run can’t be as easy as it once was…